yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
