I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
