That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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