I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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