My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
