I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
