A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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