Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
