and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
