Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
