I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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