i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize