i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
even my farts smell like vagina
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
