So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize