kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
