just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I deserve this hangover.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
