so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
