everyone is single if you try hard enough
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
