my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
