I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize