Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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