His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
