So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
