yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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