You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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