I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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