well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
