I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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