I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
