somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize