he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize