I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
