Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
