Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
