i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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