If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
