You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize