Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
