checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just pee around me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
