Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
