Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
