I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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