Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
