So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize