oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
