you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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