You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
