Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
