Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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