I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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