I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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