Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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