This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
