HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
