when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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