i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
