My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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