Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
